The Day I Take it Seriously

This is the day I promised that would come. Too bad it actually did. Do you have any idea what is like to wake up in the morning knowing that how you eat, what you eat, what you love to eat will change?

Think profoundly sad. Sad like when you leave your brand new iPhone on the plane and remember when you are at baggage claim. Sad like when you get to the bakery on Saturday morning only to find that all the pain au chocolate are gone. Sad like when you know you will be in the dentist's chair having a root canal before lunch.

The first day is always the most difficult. Similar to the day where you have a job review with a boss you hate, a doctor's appointment for a pap smear, and a teacher's conference when no other parents have one. That kind of difficult.

Here's the thing, though. Just get through the day. Get through the day by any means possible that keeps you on track. It doesn't matter what anyone else thinks, says, or offers in the way of food gifts, support or nagging. Let the voices rise away like little balloons. If you can, don't even go out among people you know. If you must be out of the house, pick a place where anonymity is the norm, like the movies, the mall, your office, the coffee shop. Just avoid the grocery, Costco and street vendors.

Or, better yet, stay in bed.

I'm not starting from scratch with the gluten free thing. I've been there for a number of years because the Geek is a confirmed celiac. So our house is gluten free. But since I am merely a suspected celiac, I sometimes feel like I can eat the stuff with impunity.

However, each time I do, it gets worse. The symptoms come much faster and are more severe. I actually felt that since I was never officially diagnosed that I had a right to eat gluten when I felt the rare urge. Like I have the right to eat 3000 calories and not think I wouldn't gain weight.

The straw, the turning point was one lousy little thin 6 inch pizza. The crust is like flat bread, almost not there. But this time I knew that my little fairy tale was truly fiction. I ate the pizza at night and woke up feeling like I had the flu. Everything ached. And more. Gluten. The only explanation.

So this is the day I start taking this seriously. It is the hardest day of all. I will combine the gluten free with a low carb diet to kick start some weight loss and to help my body heal.

The first morning, aside from the gluten-flu was not awful. The afternoon was supremely bad as the hours marched on. The pretend gluten-flu got worse, I was starving and we had not filled the larder with the right foods yet. I made do.

I ate enough cheese to please even a mouse. I longed for hard boiled eggs but was too lazy to make some. Finally dinner arrived and I ate grocery store roasted chicken like a starving child. It was sublime. And filling.

I felt like something that had gotten dragged in by an eager feline, but I had made it through day one. One whole day was enough to make me stronger. One whole day was enough to believe that my other self (the one that prefers chocolate as a food group) was taking it seriously too.

But I do not like the fake flu. It hurts everywhere and the fake fever is annoying.

Let's see what tomorrow brings. Nap time. Double nap time.